50 shades of Grey: kinky sex or abusive relationship?

I want to start this post by saying that I respect everyone that enjoyed this books/film. I think it's great that more women are open to explore their sexuality and experiment new things. Personally, I tried reading the first book and stopped half way through, the writing was awful and it felt like what it is, a book written by an old woman that was fantasizing about twilight, it didn't feel like something a 23 year old girl would do or say (without going into details and spoilers). 

I went to see the film last week to have ammunition, I'm not sure I can sit through the book again. To be fair, I found the film very tame (compared to what I read on the book, which wasn't much) and I agree on the fact that the actors had no chemistry (apparently, they hate each other). One thing I found alarming is the fact that this book/movie shows a classic "he'll change for me" relationship, where a woman goes out with an emotionally unavailable man but thinks and believes that he'll change just for her, because she is special. I'm not sure if they talk more in the book, in the film they have very few real conversations, a lot of adventures and some kinky sex, and by the last few minutes of the film (SPOILER ALERT!) Anna tells Christian she has fallen in love with him. 

I am from Latin America, and I grew up watching telenovelas, the epitome of unhealthy and unrealistic relationships. I've seen a lot of girls (and women) pursuing terrible relationships because "I love him", or "he loves me", or "he'll change for me". The reality is, they wont change. This book is an Anglo-Saxon version of a telenovela, the young middle class girl meets a rich and emotionally damaged man, completely emotionally unavailable, and falls for him, without even getting to know him. It's fine to have an adventure, but I can't understand how you can fall for someone who clearly doesn't want to have a healthy relationship. 

I was reading about BDSM the other day, this is a community I've never been involved with but that I respect a lot. What a lot of people said in different articles and videos was that the BDSM community has an emphasis on communication, which is clearly missing from the Anna/Grey relationship. 

I think the books are OK as mom-porn. My biggest issue is that they could inspire women in abusive relationships to stay, or even make them think it's OK to be treated badly (as long as they have money and are crazy good looking, and of course, if they say they feel different with you). BDSM doesn't always mean pain and consent doesn't mean you can do anything you want and hurt someone. 

The best thing about this books is the following: Fifty shades of Takei, a parody by George Takei (who is brilliant).

This actually made me happy, the thing I hated the most about the book was all the "oh my"'s in there (which was the main reason stop reading it). I got from this blog that:

"James uses "jeez" 69 times, "oh" 424 times. We are told Grey has long fingers 24 times. Steele cries 38 times. Steele and Grey never just say anything. They whisper mostly, 197 times in total. They also frown 123 times. The reader is reminded 20 times that Grey is rich."

To me, it felt like "oh my" was said on every page, and perhaps it was!